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Sumerian Records Is Signing EVERY Band

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Don't be so sensitive

Seriously. Ever other day, I’m getting a press release from brother George about some new signing. They must have a money tree growing over there in the lobby or something.

Recently, the label signed two bands that created an online stir but I forgot to write about in the hectic craziness that is my life some weeks: The HAARP Machine, which I’d heard of, and Borgore, which I hadn’t.

I Googled Borgore and found the video at the end of this post.

While somewhat boner-inducing because there are chicks wearing dress shirts (is that a fetish?) and underwear, it made me want to never listen to music again. It’s that bad. If those dudes are actually getting laid by chicks that look even half as hot as the sluts in that video, well then there’s just no fucking justice in the world.

Anyways, Sumerian saw fit to defend the Borgore signing online and in doing so, perhaps revealed their ultimate marketing plan: First announce awesome signing, followed by awful dubstep signing.

“There’s a difference between Sumerian Records the label and Sumerian Metal, the movement,” says a post on Facebook. “We have never set out to be a one-dimensional label. When we sign a progressive metal band, you can count on them being fucking awesome. When we sign something out of your comfort zone, we can count on you to pay attention and you can count on us to keep you talking. From Meshuggah to Led Zeppelin, Tool to The Police, The Faceless to Dr. Dre.. if we like it then we like it. Our passion knows no boundaries.”

It ends with a postscript. “We just signed The HAARP Machine so we can get away with murder right now. : )”

I’m not smiling. That Borgore shit really fucked with me. This isn’t the first time I have questioned a signing of theirs.


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